“I’ll be home for Christmas…and in therapy by New Years.” A friend said this to me today, tongue-in-cheek, but there’s some truth to it.

It’s Christmas, and expectations are high—alarmingly high.   “Merry Christmas! Have a great holiday!” (Unless you’ve just lost your job, or someone you loved.) “Merry Christmas! Have a great holiday!” (Unless you’re struggling to find your way through the troubled relationship with your spouse or partner or parent.) “Merry Christmas! Have a great holiday!” (Unless you’re fighting a life-threatening illness…or your child is.)

Expectations are high this time of year, but life’s circumstances sometimes crash the party. When that happens, the holidays are anything but great. They’re hard. They’re lonely. They’re a burden, not a joy. They are overwhelming. And, no matter how hard we try, we can’t recover the magic of our childhood holidays. We simply know too much—about life, about ourselves, our families, our world.

We know too much to be able to recreate the holiday magic of our childhood, but we also know this: We know that we can surround ourselves during these holidays with people who love us, and with people whom we love. We can tend ourselves, we can nurture ourselves. We can be gentle with ourselves, and open the gifts of grace that await us under the tree, in our stockings, and in the hearts of those around us. We know enough to know that caring for ourselves, and for those who grace our lives with love—we know this is what matters. This is enough. This is, in fact, the best gift of the Christmas season.

Be gentle with yourself. Let yourself be gifted.