The experience of being in relationship with a narcissist is like the experience of being in the sun after having been cooped up inside. At first it warms you, feels good on the skin, entices you to want more. You may notice your skin changes color after a while, but you don’t worry about it. Other things claim your attention and you’ve gotten accustomed to the heat.

But after you’ve been in the sun long enough, you begin feeling hot and itchy and tight. You may not be able to see the effects of exposure but your sense of self-preservation kicks in and you retreat from the glaring rays. Only then do you see the damage.

What was the moment you got “too much sun” and realized you were in trouble? Living with narcissism can be hard to identify. All relationships have rocky times, but with a narcissist there will be forms of trouble that are inevitable.

Only when you’re on the brink of losing yourself completely, no voice, no vote, no respect, no acknowledgement, do you recognize you are in trouble. Self-recrimination often follows. “Am I ungrateful, or unrealistic, or demanding, or bad, or lazy, or unable to love, or no longer ‘in love,’ or…”

Reclaiming yourself is the key, the road may be long, a guide will be invaluable, but there’s shade along the way.