Do you shy away from asking for what you want because you’re thinking an argument or some other unpleasant experience will follow in the wake of your request? Here are some tools to experiment with in your quest for seeking satisfaction for your desires.

• Know what you want.
  • This is probably the most difficult task in the list. What we want often degrades into how we want others to change or do something differently. That’s not up for grabs here. This is not about other people. This is about you. What do YOU want for yourself?

• Make direct eye contact.
  • Granted, this eliminates texting as a preferred form of asking. Practice eye contact for a while and texting may once again be incorporated into you’re your asking repertoire. For now, as you’re learning, though, stay away from texting. And for the big or important “asks,” always keep to eye contact.

• Speak simply and clearly.
  • Keep your words to a minimum and make those you use count.

• There’s a world of difference between “I sure would appreciate some help around here,” and “Will you put away the dishes, please?” The first is passive, provocative and can easily be taken as a criticism while the latter is a simple request with a small target.

• Trust the one you are asking to take care of themselves.
  • When you ask someone for something you want from them, they have a choice. They can choose to say yes, or they can say choose to say no. Trust the one you ask to take care of themselves with their answer.

• If you try to take care of “the other person” by not asking them for something you need or want, you in effect block them out of the relationship with you, conceal yourself from them, and end up dissatisfied and perhaps even resentful.

• Listen to their answer.
  • Respect what they say.
  • If the answer is no, keeping looking for other resource people to ask. A simple “no” doesn’t have to stop you from getting what you desire.

From children, to spouses, to business partners, we have our humanity in common. We like to help. Asking is offering an opportunity to do just that.

Try this out and in the comments below, let me know how it goes for you.